


Water

by WingedChickadee



Category: Eyewitness
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Drowning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8762011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedChickadee/pseuds/WingedChickadee
Summary: What is water to Philip? It is a way to cope, and yet, it is also a reminder of his trauma. No matter what, it is a way for him to escape.





	

Philip had told Lukas he doesn't swim, that wasn't a lie. He doesn't. Terrified to even try. Yet, he finds comfort in imagining himself underwater. He knows Lukas was to nervous to say anything as they lay together, but, it is a thing he'll probably ask later.

Water terrifies and comforts Philip. It is a cruel reminder, and sometimes, the sound of it is his only escape. The only way to make sure whatever is in his head, doesn't show. 

His mother gave him this coping mechanism. One of the times she was sober, and recognized he was not doing well. She sat next to him in their tiny barely a kitchen kitchen, and put a pot in the sink. Just letting the water fill it and continue to run. 

He had stood to turn it off; why is she wasting water, he thought. This would just drive their water bill up. He was maybe eight. An eight year old shouldn't worry about that. She stopped him though, with a gentle grab of his wrist. His mother had him sit down and just listen. Imagine himself underwater. Where nothing can touch him, or hurt him. Where he doesn't have to hear his mother and her boyfriends, or dealers, or the people on the corner. 

She was gone when he stopped imagining himself there. He had sighed. Knowing she was off somewhere doing drugs with someone. 

Then came the paradoxical phobia of water. From a boyfriend named Billy. One who decided it was okay to push him into a full bathtub, just because...he can't even remember why. He just knows he did something. 

Philip heard the sounds of the water has his head was pushed under. The way he imagined when he heard his mom shouting and laughing just a room away. Now though, it was not a comforting sound. It was one that brought death with it. The warped sound of death and leaving his mother, alone, and with the man who held him down. 

He lived. 

Philip winced when he heard the sink for the first time after that. Then found himself imagine the sound of being underwater. The peaceful side. The side that for a moment, he felt while drowning. Blissful silence. 

Then he was ripped away. Placed in a home with water lovers. Gabe wanted to take him out on the boat. No. He could drown. Lukas wanted to swim, no, he doesn't do that. He listens to the water from the faucet. While Philip ignored the habit screaming at him to shut it off; that he is wasting money by doing this. 

Now he watches Lukas fall into the water as a shot rang out. Philip wasn't unfamiliar with the sound. Yet he..he never thought he'd hear it here. In Tivoli. He sees Lukas land in the water. He rushes to the edge and hesitates. 

His mind flashing in nanoseconds, memories he wish he forgot. A rough hand around his neck. His own hands slowly dropping from the hairy arm, and the warped echoes of them hitting water. The sound of his own heartbeat slowing. It happening over and over and over. 

It's only a nanosecond, it's all he needs. Then he's in the water. Even with his mind reeling and warning sirens are screaming. He messily runs to Lukas through the water. Grabbing and pulling him to shore, swimming backwards. Just holds him; pressing on the bullet hole. 

He hears someone shouting, shouting for him to get down or something. Might be Kamilah. He feels himself dragged away from Lukas as sirens get closer. When did the ambulance get here? He feels someone hugging him. Who? No one hugs him. 

Philip blinks and he's in the kitchen, blood on his hands and shirt. Lukas. He stands up and the room spins. Lukas, no. He falls back into the chair. His hands gripping his hair tightly. He remembers being told to stay here, as Helen leaves and Gabe holds him. 

He rushes over to the sink and starts the faucet, putting a lot under the tap. He slides down the counter just gripping his hair. Philip tries, he tries so hard to imagine himself underwater. He doesn't feel a hand around his neck; he feels the shock of a gun shot. Philip sees Lukas land in the water. The splash of his world cracking and falling apart. 

Water isn't a comfort anymore, but it's not a reminder of old trauma either. What is it? He just sits there, sobbing. The walls he built melting like ice. He doesn't know what to do anymore.


End file.
